Whole 30 Day One. Again.

I finished a Whole 30 less than two weeks ago, and I'm starting another one today. There are a couple of reasons why:

1) I'm not willing to eat gluten
2) I'm lactose intolerant
3) I've tried to make protein pancakes, Not-A-Grain bars, and zucchini brownies in the past 3 days. They all sucked.
4) I ate cake and ice cream last night and now I feel like I may die.
5) My serious relationship just ended, and if I don't have something to be responsible for (myself) I'll go more insane than I already am.

The Whole 30 wasn't designed to make you crave junk. It wasn't created to make you think about all of the things you'd rather have than fresh fruits and vegetables. It was created to help you learn that your body performs the best when it's fueled with real, nourishing food. After three years of paleo, I can safely say that when my food doesn't have an ingredient list, I do much better. A million times better.

This weekend, I fell off the wagon. I'll let that slide. I had a moment of being human, where the sadness and hurt led to emotional eating. It was one day. One day won't lead to a week of poor decisions, nor will it hold me back from my ultimate goal of having a happy, healthy life.

Things might suck right now, but I can help them suck less.

I'm not in it for weight loss, I don't have any weight to lose. I'm not Celiac's, nor do I have any other persisting health problems. I love paleo because it takes the guesswork out of things. I don't have to wonder if __________ will make me sick, because I'm not going to eat ____________. My heart is already heavy, my mood is already shit. The last thing I want to do is go down the SAD rabbithole.

I will continue to count my macros and track my food because that's who I am. I train insane, and fuel my body as such. I track my food so that I know I'm getting the proper amounts of what I need. Right now, I don't feel like functioning, let alone eat enough to keep myself going, so this will help.

I ended last night with a cake and half pint of ice cream. The gluten bomb is real. I started this morning with chicken, sweet potato, and kale. I feel better. It's about time for me to go to the gym and feel alive...

I can't sit here and feel sorry for myself anymore. Breakups suck. Being sick sucks. Feeling unmotivated sucks.

One day at a time.