Day 5 and today (Day 6)

Some people think that because I have a food blog, and post these amazing pictures of my meals (sometimes), that all I do is spend time in the kitchen and slave away at recipes. Well, that's wrong. More than half of my meals are cooked in a George Foreman. I almost wish I used microwaves, because I assure you my vegetables would be cooked. I buy that 1,000 pound bag of Normandy blend vegetables from Costco, and I eat them frozen. I am one lazy mother.

Yesterday was shoulder day at the gym. I can tell I did it right because holding my wrists up to type is a chore. Since I've switched gyms, I've noticed that I work harder because....well, there are many a cute men that work out in the morning when I go. Can't have them thinking I'm weak. This mentality got me a PR on my clean and press yesterday. I'm pretty sure no one saw.

This weekend marks the end of my 21 day work streak. Last week I got a day off from one of my clients' houses and went to the zoo and got a massage, but I was on the clock at the zoo, so it didn't count as an actual day off. I'm not complaining, my job is pretty awesome, but a day to be off in the big nowhere of my own life is just what the doctor ordered.

I'm driving back to Des Moines, Iowa to see my girlfriends. The loves of my life. The people that have been there for me when the rest of the world wasn't.

I'm done being sentimental, sorry.

I'm currently at work and am off at 8 this morning. When I get to Des Moines at 10, it's straight to the farmer's market. I've e-mailed a farmer who sells grass fed and finished meat, and they have a beef heart, tongue, and lamb heart waiting for me. Can you say "who the fuck eats that?" Heart is delicious, and makes me feel like a real cavewoman. It's lower in fat for those days I want just a solid chunk of muscle meat...which is pretty much every day. I clear out my fat grams for avocado, because I'm obsessed.

                                             

I'm blessed to work in a home. I don't have to worry about not having food to eat, because I pack my own, and on overnight shifts, it looks like I brought my entire fridge...because I did. Anyways, having a full kitchen allows me to make good breakfasts, and in turn, prevents me from feeling like I missed out on breakfast and make poor choices through the day. I'm pretty proud of this morning.

I took a pouch of Wild Planet chunk tuna and smooshed it around in an egg white. After sauteeing a 50/50 blend of organic kale and spinach in some beef tallow, I dumped in the tuna mix and made a patty. While that was brewing, I cut up some cucumber to use as a transportation device for the pattty. Along with a side of salsa and avocado, I am a happy camper.

Seeing my girls today will be awesome. We have plans to go to a farm-to-table restaurant for brunch, and then disc golfing. Eventually, I will go to the gym and do my arms/calves/ab workout, but I'm not too worried about it. My loves come first.

Stay fierce.

Day Four...The Struggle

I swear if I keep waking up earlier, I'm going to eventually end up never sleeping. I used to wake up at 6:00am and make breakfast. That's when I'm hungry, and eating>sleeping always. Lately, I've been going to bed at the solid time of 9-10 pm, like...when it's still light out. I don't even sit on Facebook for very long. I go the fuck to sleep. I've never required much sleep, 6-7 hours is about my max, and lately, I have seen much too much of 5am. I don't want to eat at 5....so I walk around my apartment and clean until it's food time. I'm like a dog with my planned meals, lord.

I'm on the last three weeks of my cut, and I keep toying with "Do I count macros anymore?" I know I should, because that's part of the cut, to know your exact intake. At the same time, I want to learn to trust my body and hunger signals. It's a struggle. (THE struggle). I will continue to track my macros because at this point in my life, it's habit. When I leave for OCS I'll quit because I have to, and MREs have approximately 3500 calories a piece, which I'm uncomfortable with, so I'm glad I can't track those.

Breakfast was a nice easy dish of grated beets (I love beets pre-workout). They open up blood vessels and get that pump. I topped the beets with chicken, and egg, and a small amount of avocado.

                                            

It was leg day, my favorite. Front squats, leg press, dumbbell lunges, you name it, I did it. This week I'm taking in 100 less calories than last per day, so my strength isn't all the way up, but still pretty damn strong. I finished with tabata TRX jump squats, which are just as fun as they sound....

I also did ten minutes of steady state cardio because I had to. Cardio sucks.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this Whole 30, and the reasons I've decided to do another one. Initially, I was like "Oh, I'm going through a breakup and want junk food, so I'd better do a Whole 30 so there are rules against that"

The truth is, I'm not that torn up about the breakup. I realized I was never a relationship person anyway. Also, I don't crave junk food, at all. Sure, I want the occasional cookie, but who doesn't? I don't have a sugar demon, I just like cookies. They're fun and sweet.

I'm ending my Whole 30 on the fourth of July. I don't have any foods planned, and I certainly won't be drinking, but whatever happens, happens. For the next two to four years, I won't be with my family and friends on the Fourth of July, and I'll be damned if I let a Whole 30 take me away from enjoying it to the fullest.

I was about to say, and I love smores. I don't like smores. Damn. I plan on taking some uncured grass fed hot dogs, and probably some gluten free buns, unless I'm feeling awesome and make paleo hot dog buns...I'll do that actually. Ya'll could use a recipe.

As always, feel free to ask any questions. I may not know the answers to everything, but I'll do the research if I don't.

Stay strong, hungry, and fierce.

Why SWYPO is stupid.

Today is day three.I'm not surprised that I don't have any symptoms of withdrawal. I eat paleo anyway. Started of with a 6 am breakfast of chicken breast, sweet potato, and two egg yolks. Yes, just the yolks. Breakfast yesterday was two egg whites, and I hate playing favorites. I fear no fat.

I went to the gym around 7 and did an awesome arm/calves/abs session. The end of the workout called for 30 minutes of steady state cardio. I did it, but I hate cardio. I'd rather die. I don't understand how people can go to a gym and pedal on that little elliptical thing forever. Shit's boring.

Lunch was (surprise!) more chicken, with some cut up beets, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, and spinach. I do what I want. Also had a LaCroix and a Gingerade Kombucha. Nom.

                                               

The topic of the day: SWYPO. For you who may not know, this stands for: Sex with your pants on. We all love sex, I mean, come on. Remember when you were 15 though, and weren't ready, so you did the awkward dry hump thing? That's SWYPO. Sure, it feels okay, but it's just not quite as good. That's how certain paleo things are.

Buns, cookies, wraps, things that are kiiiiinda like SAD foods, but they are made paleo. Yeah, not on the Whole 30. The brain does weird things, and it will continue to associate a bun as a bun. An objective of the Whole 30 is to make one not crave those things.

After all this time of being paleo, I can honestly say I don't remember what a bun tastes like. I think in the past three years I may have had one slice of bread that wasn't gluten free or paleo. I don't crave these foods, and I have no interest in having them in my mouth. This is why I consider nothing SWYPO. Having a paleo bun is not going to make me run to the grocery store, grab a loaf of white bread and hide in the corner with it. It just won't happen. I think that SWYPO is a "to each their own" kind of deal. If it's a trigger for you, you'll know. Don't do it.

Yesterday was my first day off of work in over two weeks. I took the liberty of spoiling myself stupid. Still woke up at 6 and went to the gym, but then I enjoyed not showering for a while and sitting on my ass. I then went to the zoo all day and looked at animals, because on the inside I'm six years old and furry shit is cool. I also got to pet a stingray, which was also cool. There was a monkey giving another one a blowjob. I didn't know monkeys did that, and it will be forever burned into my brain. I also don't know why I shared that.

After the zoo, I scheduled myself a massage. It was back day yesterday, and it's been a good....24 years since my last awesome massage. I hopped up on that table and let her work her magic. Oh man. I may be a lesbian.

It was then dinner time when I finally returned home, and I made a double turkey burger with a beet bun. Somewhere in there, I started online shopping, signing up for an Amazon credit card, and buying shit. Awesome shit. Like this.

                                                   
The spiralizer de-jour. I can't wait to make everything noodles with it. I broke my stupid cheap one in three days, so this was a need, not a want. (I have to tell myself this)

I also purchased a grain free pancake mix, because in the past two weeks I've tried to make pancakes at least four times, and they all tasted of shit.

                                             

I got the bag on the left (duh). Here's where the SWYPO thing comes into play. I don't ever put syrup on my pancakes, I don't like it. Sometimes, I just want the consistency of a pancake. Something squishy, but not squishy. If I have these in the morning, I'm not about to go out and get a muffin donut poptart sandwich. So yes, I will make these and eat the shit out of them the second they get to my door, because I can.

What are YOUR SWYPO rules?

The Pitfalls of Perfection

I know you loved the alliteration I used for the title of this post. I love the English language, and alliteration is right up there with metaphor for my favorite language tool. Anyway.



I think, as a Paleo person, we've all encountered someone who fits this description. I know it fits me. For the longest time, I'll go as far to say years, I've been all or nothing. No exceptions. It is what it is, black and white, no gray, no "once in a blue moon" occasion. You're either Paleo or you're not. That's it.

How incredibly unhealthy and saddening this mindset.

As I stated in yesterday's post, this lifestyle doesn't exist to make one miserable. In fact, it's to do the opposite. To find strength and love in real foods, which leads to good health and an overall happier life. What happens when it goes too far? When paleo/fitness/health becomes not something you do, but rather, who you are? It wrecks you. Every benefit received from changing your life becomes a stressor, something to dread, something you grow to hate.

Sometimes, you need to step back.

I decided after yesterday's post that I won't be tracking my macros anymore. You know who cares how many carbs/fats/proteins I eat a day? No one. Not even me. I eat food that enables my body to function, and enough of it that I'm not hungry. There's no need to meticulously plan for hours what I'm going to consume the next day, down to the last gram of fat. That's not living.

                           

Oh, you had a piece of pizza? A brownie? Some pasta? Awesome. I bet it tasted great! You feel guilty for it? I know if I ate any of that, I would.

How incredibly unhealthy and saddening.

Eating should never make you feel guilty. Humans have one thing in common above all else. We are humans. As humans, we have wants, desires, and things that flat out make us happy. Why should a label (paleo) mean that we have to hold ourselves to such high standards, that we succumb to making pizza out of cauliflower, or brownies out of zucchini?

Eat the goddam brownie.

                                         

While I'm on this Whole 30, I will remain within the boundaries of the Whole 30. Like I said, once I've got my mind back, I'll be able to tackle more. When this Whole 30 is over, however, for the first time since being paleo, I am exercising my right to be human. The 80/20 rule basically says 100% paleo, 80% of the time, which equates to 5-6 paleo meals to 1 non-paleo. This doesn't mean I'm going to go eat all the sandwiches and pasta that I want, but it means that if I'm out with friends, or it's a special occasion, I'm not taking Tupperware with chicken and broccoli along. I won't look back on my life in 30 years and remember the awesome time I had at ______________ eating my chicken and broccoli. Life is for living, and not as a machine.

I fully promote the paleo lifestyle. It ensures that one receives proper nutrition to fuel their lives. I also want to promote happiness, because there isn't enough of that in the world. Do what makes you happy, and do it for you.

I have craved perfection since I can remember. Always striving to be stronger/leaner/prettier/thinner/tanner...whatever. Somewhere along the lines, I let it consume me. The desire to be perfect has led me to depression, anxiety, and a lack of love and respect for myself. I am on the quest to find myself again, to accept the person that I have grown to be.

At the end of the day, I am human. I am not perfect. And that's okay.

Whole 30 Day One. Again.

I finished a Whole 30 less than two weeks ago, and I'm starting another one today. There are a couple of reasons why:

1) I'm not willing to eat gluten
2) I'm lactose intolerant
3) I've tried to make protein pancakes, Not-A-Grain bars, and zucchini brownies in the past 3 days. They all sucked.
4) I ate cake and ice cream last night and now I feel like I may die.
5) My serious relationship just ended, and if I don't have something to be responsible for (myself) I'll go more insane than I already am.

The Whole 30 wasn't designed to make you crave junk. It wasn't created to make you think about all of the things you'd rather have than fresh fruits and vegetables. It was created to help you learn that your body performs the best when it's fueled with real, nourishing food. After three years of paleo, I can safely say that when my food doesn't have an ingredient list, I do much better. A million times better.

This weekend, I fell off the wagon. I'll let that slide. I had a moment of being human, where the sadness and hurt led to emotional eating. It was one day. One day won't lead to a week of poor decisions, nor will it hold me back from my ultimate goal of having a happy, healthy life.

Things might suck right now, but I can help them suck less.

I'm not in it for weight loss, I don't have any weight to lose. I'm not Celiac's, nor do I have any other persisting health problems. I love paleo because it takes the guesswork out of things. I don't have to wonder if __________ will make me sick, because I'm not going to eat ____________. My heart is already heavy, my mood is already shit. The last thing I want to do is go down the SAD rabbithole.

I will continue to count my macros and track my food because that's who I am. I train insane, and fuel my body as such. I track my food so that I know I'm getting the proper amounts of what I need. Right now, I don't feel like functioning, let alone eat enough to keep myself going, so this will help.

I ended last night with a cake and half pint of ice cream. The gluten bomb is real. I started this morning with chicken, sweet potato, and kale. I feel better. It's about time for me to go to the gym and feel alive...

I can't sit here and feel sorry for myself anymore. Breakups suck. Being sick sucks. Feeling unmotivated sucks.

One day at a time.

Where do we go from here?

Well, I took a short break from blogging since being done with the Whole 30, mainly because I'm a lazy pile, and partly because I was trying to figure out where to go from here. Before I forget: Here's my info in case you don't stalk me yet

Twitter: @WODWolff
Instagram: Bigbadwolff24
Two Grand: Bigbadwolff24

A couple of other things. I have been paleo for a long time. In the years, like the multiple of year. I love it. It's not hard for me to eat food without ingredients. I don't crave junk (often), and I go to the gym, a lot. Transitioning from Whole 30 to paleo is super easy for me, because the only difference is that I'll add Stevia to my coffee. Yeah, I'm a badass.

Here's where things get tricky. In October, I will be leaving for Officer Candidate School for the United States Marine Corps. While I'm excited to begin the next big chapter of my life, my recruiting officer and myself have come to the sad realization that I will not be able to maintain a paleo lifestyle. The first ten weeks of Officer Candidate School will be in the field, where MRE's are considered meals. We're talking about bags. Of. Food.

                                

Appetizing, no? This will be my option. Try as hard as I can to stay paleo, but everything in one of these suckers is to provide enough calories and gunk to make sure I:

1) Don't have to poop
2) Don't need to eat often

It has been recommended that I re-introduce gluten containing foods to get my system ready for battle. Luckily, I don't eat gluten due to personal preference, not because of a health issue. I'm not ready to start eating gluten. I don't want to, and more importantly...I don't want to. However, I'm serious about being an officer in the Marines, and if it's required of me, I'll do it.

So far I've reintroduced gluten free grains, meaning on Tuesday, I had exactly one serving of white rice. I'm Asian, I love rice. I didn't put anything on it, just rice. 1/4 cup kept me full for like, six hours. I don't know how people eat that shit every day, like my boyfriend. A five pound bag might last me a year...really.

Anyways, I started another lifting program, that has a full out nutrition plan guiding me through a cut. I swear to Grok that I will see a six pack before the summer is out. I know paleo is against calorie and macro counting, but I used to be a competitive bodybuilder, counting things is what I do.

Welcome IIFYM (if it fits your macros). This style of eating basically states that you can eat whatever you want, as long as it fits into your allotted macros (Carbs/protein/fat). You get your numbers after considering your height/weight/bodyfat/activity level. I got to cheat and am using the nutrition guide from my workout plan, but I plugged in my numbers to the IIFYM website and liked what I saw. Those people don't fear carbs...or Pop-Tarts. It's weird, the Pop-tart is like the bacon of the Paleo world.

                                        

I'd rather have bacon. These look like shit.

                                      
The paleo version, however, looks like something I could grow to love.

I bought a spiralizer. Finally. And look, I made lunch.

                                  
Zucchini noodles a go-go. And salmon. Lots of salmon. I like fish. I plan on eating almond butter later. Gotta even out those Omega 3's you know.

Lastly, and certainly the least important of all, I got a PR on leg press today. By a lot. It made me happy. I also met my goal weight, which also made me happy.

Thanks for reading, love you all.

Whole 30 Reflection

                                                    

That about sums it up. I'm not a Paleo newbie. I've been at it for almost three years. In those three years, yes, I've indulged. I've glutened, sugared, and binged. We've all been there. If you haven't, you will. I don't say that because I don't believe in you, but because we are all human. Humans by nature are imperfect creatures. Also, we all really like food.

The benefits of eating real food as opposed to the common "food like products" on the market are indescribable. I mean, why would you be doing this if you didn't fully believe that food is the end all, cure all? It is. Every bite you take is either healing you, or it isn't.

It's that simple.

This is the first whole 30 that I've completed without any "Manda-tizing". My last couple I would allow myself plain, unflavored grass fed whey protein powder, pre-workout drinks, and other bodybuilding supplements, because that's what I do. I bodybuild.

Turns out, my body will build just fine without these things.

The first couple of days were no big deal. Like I said, be paleo for a while, and eating paleo for a couple days strict isn't rough. After about three days, I really wanted a protein bar. A Quest bar. This Quest bar.

                                                        

Along with the Whole 30, I had begun a new workout program called the Military Fitness Trainer 28. It requires a lot of time, as in, twice daily at the gym 5 days a week, and once on Saturday. I was determined to not miss a workout, to stick to my new eating schedule, and not give in. This is day two after the whole 30 and I still haven't had one.

The first weekend, I wanted to weigh myself. I felt bloated and tired. I was sure something was wrong, and I NEEDED my supplements to perform in the gym. No, Manda. Food. It was then that I discovered the greatness of bulletproof coffee. I started to drink a cup every morning. No more tired at the gym. Just great, exhausting workouts. I didn't use ghee or butter, just full fat coconut milk, coconut oil, and coffee in my Nutri Bullet. Shit's delicious. Can't wait to try it with Kerrygold.

After week two, I had unbelievable energy during the day, and slept like a rock at night. I would wake up from my usual 6-7 hours of sleep and be ready to work out, take on the day, and work out again. During this week, I had also decided to increase my calorie intake, since the new workout program was killing me. If I ended up gaining weight at the end of this, oh well. My goal has been to weigh 128 since January, and I have been stuck at 132 since March. Try try again.

Also, I was having dreams. One of my dreams is that I got drunk. I don't drink, and it was so real I woke up and felt guilty that I had failed the Whole 30.
It was during this week that I started to have normal BM's again, and my hormones were falling back into place. (Read: I was horny) (I'm never horny)

After increasing my carbs, during week three I noticed even more gains in my strength. I was eating a sweet potato a day, and sometimes squash (kabocha and pumpkin). I had Brussels sprouts, turnips, and plantains for dense carbs, and even had a banana thing for a few days. I hate bananas. I did, however, discover a new love for steamed carrots topped with coconut oil. Oh my.

Also, I feel it's important to note that before this whole 30, I was anti-fruit. Fructose is bad. Shame. Turns out, fruit is delicious. Pineapples and grapes made my day. Colorful, delicious, and energizing. Eat to your health.

The fourth week I started craving desserts. Bad desserts. Cake desserts. I usually don't crave those things, ever. It wasn't bad enough that I had to go on a walk or anything, but my little head was dreaming of german chocolate.
                                                   
The things that helped me through were simple:

1) Create fun flavors with different seasonings and fat sources
2) Enjoy what you eat
3) Try something new
4) Live for each day, don't think about "what if I fail"...one meal at a time
5) Look in the mirror each day, and say "Whole 30, day _____". It's empowering.

Three years ago, I looked like this.                      And on day 30 of my first REAL whole 30
                                       


Don't ever say you can't. Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. Being overweight is hard. Staying fit is hard. Choose your hard.


Staple Foods during the Whole 30:

Proteins:

• Chicken
• Salmon
• Turkey
• Beef
• Eggs

Fats:

• Avocado
• Coconut oil/butter/flakes
• Olive oil
• Tallow

Carbs:
Asparagus
Bell Pepper
Broccoli
Cauliflower
Daikon radish
Kale
Spinach
Sweet Potato/yams
Kabocha squash
Turnips
Pumpkin
Artichokes
(Really, whatever veggie floats your boat, I love them all.)

Through this experience I've learned to stay in tune with my body. I am more aware of what real hunger cues are, instead of just wanting to eat, and I've learned to sit down and appreciate the flavors of each meal, take smaller bites, and enjoy the consciousness of knowing that I'm improving my body with each swallow. There's a warrior in all of us, and I hope each of you has an extraordinary journey.